The most frequently (and most annoying) asked question when I tell people my parents are divorced is “Oh who do you like better?” or “Whose house do you like being at more?” This is usually a question from kids who have never been through a divorce. Why is this a question people feel they need the answer to? Just because my parents are divorced, doesn’t mean I love either of them any less than I would if they were together. I love certain things about my mom and being with her, and I love other things about my dad and being with him. Divorce isn’t like it is on TV, people. It’s different for everyone. For me, I don’t blame either of them. I love both of my parents, just like you probably love both of yours. The only difference is that they don’t love each other.
I turn 17 next month. And it’s bittersweet because I feel like I haven’t done or accomplished anything yet. I’ve wasted 17 years of my life on people who didn’t deserve it, and things that didn’t make me happy. At what point am I supposed to start figuring out my life? I’m so close to going to college and living on my own, but I have no idea what I want to do or what makes me happy.
As much as I think I love change, I’m scared of anything actually changing in my life.
I like my same old house with just me and my brother and my dad. I like going to my grandma’s house every Thanksgiving with my cousins, and I like going to my grandma’s every Christmas Eve and my aunt’s house Christmas Day. I like spending time with my family. I love them and they have been the same my whole life, constant and unchanging. So now that this constant in my life is being disrupted, I don’t know how to handle it. I don’t understand how everyone else can so easily accept it but I can’t.
I don’t want to spend my holidays with strangers. As much as we can pretend we’re “family,” we’re not. I have my family. No one asked me how I felt about such a huge change, why doesn’t my opinion matter?
Tonight’s service made me realize some things about my faith. I know I love Jesus so so much, and I know He loves me so so much too. But there are things about religion that I’m noticing I don’t agree with. I know my values and I know what I believe, and some of those things differ with what the Bible teaches. But that’s okay, right?
Christianity is about building a personal and individual relationship with Jesus, and I know I have that. I’m strong in my beliefs and I couldn’t change those even if I tried. Not to mention, everyone interprets things in their own way, and my way of interpreting is starting to differ from what I’m being taught. In a way I think this is a good thing, because I’m secure enough in my faith to think for myself rather than just accept what I’m told.
I think the people I’m scared to say goodbye to the most when everyone leaves for college next year aren’t the people who I’m close with and spend all of my time with, it’s the ones who mean more to me than I do to them. Because I know I’ll stay in touch with the good friends, but the idea of not seeing or talking to a majority of the people I grew up with or have become friends with in the past few years is what scares me.
I’m the one who cares more. And that’s okay, but sometimes it’d be cool if someone cared as much as I do, that way I’m not left feeling dumb for caring so much. It’d be cool too if someone was actually afraid of losing me. But that’s okay.
I like watching people do things they’re passionate about. If someone really likes writing, I’d like to just sit and hear their thought process while they put their words on paper. Or watch a photographer try hundreds of different angles and settings until they finally get the picture they had in their mind. My favorite is during worship at church, opening my eyes and looking around at the expressions on everyone’s faces while they sing. I like seeing which songs make them emotional, which songs make them smile, and which songs compel them to put their hands up. I think it’s during these moments that you can really understand what makes them happy.
It’s time to stop being sad about the things I have no control over, and start being happy about the awesome people in my life. I need to move on from everything, and leave the past in the past.
There is honestly nothing special or interesting or great about me, and I think people are starting to realize that as I let them get to know me more, and I think that’s why they all change their minds or leave. I’m not surprised, but just because I see it coming doesn’t mean it sucks any less.
I hate depending on people and feeling like I can’t do things without a certain person.
I’ve been so dependent for so long that I completely lost my individuality for a while. If I had no one to go to church with, I’d stay home. If no one could hang out one weekend, I’d stay home. If I wasn’t invited somewhere, I’d stay home. I would just do whatever everyone else was doing, because I had no mind of my own, and no opinions on anything. I based my life completely off of what other people were doing with theirs, and that’s not right at all. I’m my own person, and I don’t need others to be able to live my life. Yeah, it’s nice to know that I do have people to do stuff with, but that doesn’t mean I need them by my side to have a good time. Granted, I have a better time when they are there, but I’m learning to fend for myself.
I’ve wasted so much of the better part of my life depending on others for my happiness, but I’m done. If I don’t like the way someone is treating me, I have every right to walk away, and now I know that I can. I think that because of the amount of time I spent being so dependent, I realized how strong I can be when it does come time to walk away. I’m learning to be more independent in general, and I think it is much needed.
Four teenagers, who can’t even vote, are arguing about politics over facebook. Everyone has different opinions, if you present your opinion along with facts, then go right ahead and share it. If you have absolutely nothing to back up your argument, I suggest you step back and exit the conversation. Also, insulting people doesn’t make your argument any stronger, it just shows you have nothing left to say. Not to mention, you are all underage. Your opinion on politics doesn’t have any influence, sorry.
I’m literally so tired of sitting in class every day and feeling like the dumbest one in the room. It’s not even that I don’t put in as much effort as everyone else, I just don’t understand anything. My mom doesn’t get it, I’m doing my best and it’s still just not good enough.
One of my biggest fears is that people are talking about me when I walk out of a room. I have an insane amount of insecurities, and I’m so paranoid that people talk about them when my back is turned. When I hear people around me laugh, I assume it’s about me; or when someone whispers, I assume it’s about me. I guess I’m afraid that people don’t like me as much as they say they do. Honestly, it takes a lot for me to truly believe that someone actually enjoys having me around and thinks of me as a friend. For that reason, I rarely talk to people unless they approach me first, which is probably a cause for the countless friendships that have died out.
